A Service to Celebrate the Life of
 
GRAHAM EDWARD WYKES
25th February 1947 - 16th January 2021
 
12.00 noon, Thursday 25th February 2021
Alford Crematorium
 
Entry music    Theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Ennio Morricone
 
None of us know when we set out on life’s journey the direction it will take us; nor do we know when that journey will come to its end.
 
The life of Graham Wykes sadly came to its close on 16th January. And so we come together in order to say our goodbyes to Graham, doing so under these rather difficult and constrained circumstances because of the pandemic. But whilst the numbers permitted to be here are restricted, we are joined via a webcast by those unable to be here physically. So on behalf of his family, I welcome you to Alford Crematorium.
 
As we say our farewells to Graham, we also commemorate his life, celebrate his life, give our thanks for his life and acknowledge the privilege we had of sharing part of his life with him.
 
Inevitably though, there will be sadness when we come to that part of the ceremony when we have to say our goodbyes to Graham, but please remember that we also celebrate the man who he was, the man who you knew and the man who you loved, and that we celebrate the almost 74 years  years of life that he had; for Graham passed away just a little over a month before his 74th birthday.
 
My name is Michael Green and I am a civil funeral celebrant. I feel truly privileged to be asked by Graham’s family to lead this service for her.
 
Graham certainly was a character.
 
Of course, no-one knew Graham like his family. And so it is his daughter, Penny who has compiled and written down their memories of him. Understandably however, she does not feel able to read these herself - this is after all an emotional occasion - so she has asked me to do so on her behalf.
 
It is my honour to do so.
 
Penny has written:
 
“Graham -
 
Right, I hope you have had your morning big cuppa so that you are ready for whatever the day brings.
 
Graham Edward Wykes was an only child. He was born to Dorothy and Albert in a caravan at the bottom of his Grandad’s garden in the small hamlet of Fishpool in Nottinghamshire.
 
Dorothy left Albert when Graham was very young, and remarried, with Graham having no further contact with his Mum.  He was brought up by his Dad and Grandad, Wilfred, closely supported by Aunties Lydia and May, and Uncle Jack.
 
Graham helped at home, catching and killing chickens and rabbits - plucking the chickens and skinning the rabbits ready for selling. He was an outside boy, all his life. He left school in Blidworth as early as he could at 14, not taking any exams, having been the school’s gardener for his last year there!
 
Graham recalled that his first job was in the local cotton factory, collecting filled spools. He said it was far too hot, and obviously indoors. He lasted 2 weeks, one of which was his notice period! 
 
Next was work at the egg packing factory, which involved him being out on the Luton style van helping with collections and deliveries - cardboard trays of 30 eggs each stacked into crates, the crates stacked floor to ceiling. Graham had to climb up to pull the top crates off and down for delivery. One time one of the crates had a nail in the bottom and it got caught on the next crate down. Graham ended pulling whole wall of crates down on him, eggs breaking everywhere! 
 
He joined the Boys brigade as early as he could at 16 and then the full Army when he reached age. Training in Wales at Rhyl he met Derek, aka Jake, a life-long friend. 
 
He would go to the pictures with his friends or a girl but on the walk back from the cinema, he would be in the middle of the road whistling because it was dark, and he was scared! 
 
Graham’s nerves were always a big part of his character, which leads onto talking about his driving test. He took it in the army and failed twice. His superior officer took him out for a lesson to see what the issue was. Graham recalled doing everything right during the lesson and was frustrated with himself that he could not do it in the test. On return to the car park, the officer told Graham that he had just passed his test and that they knew that the only way to beat his nerves was for him to not know about the test!
 
Graham went on to teach all 4 of his children (and Vicki) to drive. He was a great teacher, who could adapt the content and delivery to suit his audience, also taking up a teaching role within the army. He was a natural leader and teacher and would always show or explain to someone how to do something, rather than just doing it for them. Penny remembers having to change a wheel on the car before a driving lesson, typical of Graham to teach through doing! A lot of people learned a lot from him, professionally and personally, right up to his final day, having politics, economics and DIY conversations with Penny!
 
He dated Kathleen for a bit in his late teens, but as she was too young to commit to army life, they separated.
 
Graham had a few dates, but none that compared to Kath (his words). Kath met someone else, who luckily was not right for her. Graham happened to see Kath and her little brother, Alan, in Woolworths during a week’s leave at home and followed them from a distance. He swears that he would not have had the guts to talk to her again if Alan hadn’t turned around and seen him. That was a Saturday.
 
They got a special marriage licence, bought the ring and were wed on the following Saturday, 7th August 1967. Graham was due back at ‘work’ on Monday, so had moved Kath out of her ex’s during the week and back in with her mum whilst waiting for him to secure married quarters for them to live together. 
 
During his 24 and a half years in the Army, they made great friendships with Derek, Tommy and Ruth, and Mick and Lynn to name a few. There were many fishing trips, sometimes pulling an     all-nighter, and dancing to rock’n’roll music with Kath at social events. He was a much-loved family man. 
 
Graham requested his military records after Kath passed and one annual review said that ‘his heart wasn’t military; it wasn’t in his blood. He treated it like a job’.  When he read this, he said to me ‘it was only a job, a way of earning a wage.’ Despite this report, he rose to the rank of Warrant Officer 2 -  pretty good for a lad who didn’t finish school! 
 
Michael was born 18 months into the marriage, giving Graham and Kath the family that they wanted, followed by Peter in 1971. Graham threw himself into family life and being a Dad, wanting to give his children the start he had not had. 
 
A posting to Northern Ireland came in 1977. Not knowing what to expect during the ‘troubles’ and whether they would return, they spent 4 weeks of the summer at Haven, or Golden Sands as it was then, in Mablethorpe, with Mick and Pete to give them the holiday of a lifetime to remember, should the worst happen. They threw themselves into the club house competitions, with Kath adapting holiday clothes and spare fabrics into costumes for the boys, and Graham winning the knobbly knees competition! 
 
On arrival in Belfast, after leaving the docks, Graham and Kath were lost and asked a local for directions. They were directed to turn down a side street and that the motorway would be round the corner from there. Bollards in the side street meant that Graham and Kath gave each other ‘the look’ as they turned into it, thinking they had been sent into a trap.
 
With a mainland number plate and van loaded high, it was obvious they were military. They thought that was the end but continued warily. True to word, at the end of the road was a sign directing to the motorway and they were on their way. This changed their preconceptions, and they found the Irish to be lovely people, often looking back on that time as being the best of their military lives. 
 
Mick remembers he and Pete playing with a giant cable drum they had found on the camp and rolling it down a hill, straight into a parked car. Graham had some apologising to do to the owner and stern words for the boys! 
 
Penny and Dave were born a decade later than Mick and Pete. Graham would recount a story about taking a trip to the bank in Gainsborough to withdraw some money only to be told by the cashier that his wife was having a baby. He said he knew that and that he was the father and they said, “no, NOW!” Kath had called the bank to get message to him, after calling for the ambulance. Luckily, he got to the hospital just in time! 
 
 
Graham left the Army in 1986 and moved back to the UK, to the village of Rainworth near Mansfield, where he worked in a Magistrate’s Court as an usher. Every other week the family would walk around the market on a Saturday and Graham would nod at ‘clients’, as he called them, or chat with colleagues. He impacted a lot of lives, a lot of people enjoyed spending time with Graham and respected his opinion.
 
There were many ‘incidents’ with the family vehicles, including the much-loved VW campervan, Bertha. Bertha was a workhorse, moving the family between military postings - several trips in Bertha saved hiring a moving company! - many family holidays, including to Legoland in Denmark, camping trips, primarily to Mablethorpe, and many breakdowns, including a very cold night on the Autobahn in Germany with one blanket between 5, made Bertha an integral part of the family! Kath made sure there were plenty of blankets and sleeping bags in Bertha for every journey after that! 
 
Another time, on the return to Rainworth from Mablethorpe with Mick, whilst in very long tail backs on the A46, Graham needed to stop to ‘water the weeds’, an event that no journey longer than an hour was without. He asked Mick to take over the wheel and keep up with the crawling traffic if it moved before he got back. It did move; so did Mick, following instructions. Graham walked up to the van and was within striking distance when Mick pulled off again, not having noticed him. This happened a couple of times, with Graham eventually running across the county boundary - “welcome to Nottinghamshire” - before finally getting back on board!
 
Graham bought a brand-new Fiesta in 1989, which had many a story too. One time Penny asked Kath what Graham was doing with the car, to which she replied “nothing, he’s upstairs!” He had not clicked the handbrake on fully and the car had rolled off the drive, crossed the very busy road and ‘parked’ in the lay-by opposite, completely unscathed.
 
Another time it was stolen whilst he was at work in the courthouse, and a policeman he knew came to reassure him that they had found his car and told him where to collect it from, all before Graham had realised it was even missing! 
 
A supporter of Nottingham Forest, Graham, Peter and Penny were season ticket holders for many years, joined later by David, Steven and Christina. Many a family day out was spent at the City Ground, climbing the stairs all the way to the top row. As this climb became more difficult for Graham over the years, he reluctantly agreed to move seats further down, but would complain every game, that the view was not as good as from the top!
 
In May of 1994, on a regular week’s holiday in Mablethorpe Graham saw an advert for the Sand Train in the local paper. He quickly chatted with Kath before heading down to have a chat with the current owner. July 1994 - the week after the illuminations parade with Barbara Windsor - was their first week. Graham was gutted he had missed out on meeting her! The Sand Train changed their life, especially once Graham had moved up to Mablethorpe (twice-weekly commutes for 3 Summer seasons really took their toll on him).
 
 
 
 
Many tales of misfortune on the train were inevitable.  Getting stuck in soft sand, having the train stuck floor depth in ‘quicksand’, trailers unhooking themselves - leaving 4 old ladies stuck in the middle of one of the big puddles that formed on the beach! Off came the sandals and socks (his feet burned without the socks!) and up went the trouser legs to enable him to carry the ladies to safety one at a time!
 
Graham loved every minute of it! He often offered his cap to jokingly collect donations from the growing audiences watching the many great escapades!
 
They were happy in Mablethorpe. They were home. 
 
His first Grandchild, Stephanie was born in 1997, followed closely by Charlotte and later Steven and Christina. Having grandchildren gave a renewed purpose to his life. Steph and Ste would come to their ‘seaside Grandparents’ for a few weeks in the holidays and it always fell to Grandad to do the entertaining – building sandcastles on the beach, rides on the fair, day trips out, etc.  He was an amazing Dad and a super Grandad.”
 
Wonderful memories. And at this stage I shall invite Stephanie to come up and say a few words of her own, and read a poem to us, a poem based on one by David Harkins.
 
[Stephanie to read]
 
“We can shed tears that he is gone,  Or we can smile because he lived.
 
We can close our eyes and pray he'll come back, or we can open our eyes and see everything he has left.
 
Our hearts can be empty because we won't see him, or they can be full of the love he gave us.
 
We can remember only that he is gone, or we can cherish his memory and let it live on.
 
We can cry and close our minds, be empty and turn our backs, or we can do what he'd want, open our eyes, love and carry on!
 
I can honestly say that I truly had one of the best Grandads around. He always had a smile on his face, and so much love to give.  For the rest of my life, I will cherish the memories I had with him.
 
I know you're always there, in our hearts. Watching over, guiding us. You may be gone from sight, but you are never gone from my hearts. I’m going to miss you so much. Rest in peace”
 
Thank you Stephanie. The family’s memories of Graham continue:
 
“Graham and Kath bought a café along the seafront working 10 to14 hour days, 7 days a week for several years before selling up and retiring in 2007 after diminishing health on both sides. 
 
 
 
Retirement suited Graham, it gave him time for rediscovering his love of fishing with George, going out for darts 3 times a week (making many friends), completing DIY projects with Geoff, Ian and Ross, and time to spend tending his garden. He was back full circle to being able to spend time outdoors, nurturing growth.
 
Retirement also meant he could look after Christina as her father figure, and they thought the world of each other; they were true partners in crime!
 
Christina remembers him pushing her on the tyre swing, him being distracted by the passing traffic and pushing her into the hedge, or her falling off and bringing him back to reality! Christina enjoyed spending regular time with her Grandad, having tea after school and staying over at his to be ready for day trips the next day. Later, Christina helped to care for her Grandad and did his shopping and cleaning. They had a very special bond.
 
The family remember many P&O mini-cruises from Hull with Graham twice a year, as his annual holidays! Making the most of each mini-cruise, Graham enjoyed the full on-board experience and felt fully relaxed on his return each time. They visited Rotterdam, Amsterdam and Bruges, with Rotterdam and its zoo being Graham’s favourite!
 
Kath’s health deteriorated and Graham supported her, caring for, and looking after her without complaint, right up to the end in December 2013. Kath was his rock, and he left us a note in his wallet telling us to not to forget her.
 
He was lost on his own in their big home and moved to a few different smaller bungalows but never really settled without her. These moves earned a nickname of Mr Monopoly, buying and selling houses! Quite apt as he used to get involved in the game very seriously.
 
On one occasion there were not enough houses left so he used the peanuts he was munching on as houses, before eating those and replacing them with cashews for hotels!
 
Graham’s health deteriorated from then, with his diagnosis of COPD and hip replacement in 2017.
 
Shielding from COVID-19 was so soul-destroying for him, no longer able to drive into town for his shopping or go for the little walks he could manage, to sit and watch the world go by. 24 hours-a-day home oxygen, lack of exercise and restricted visiting left him feeling low and frustrated. Home visits from the superb respiratory nurses came with increasing regularity and even they developed a soft spot for him. 
 
In the final months, he moved in with Penny, Stacey and Christina, finally accepting that his health meant he could not live on his own, although insisting on his own bathroom and kitchenette for semi-independence. Mick, Dave and Penny completed the alterations to enable his move and this helped him relax into a bit more comfort and calm, knowing support was there instantly if he needed or wanted it. He even gave in to having matching Christmas pyjamas, that he ended up loving so much, a second pair had to be bought so he always had a pair on whilst the others were being washed!
 
 
 
Despite his many escapades, Graham looked back fondly on his life and what he had achieved with Kath, the children and grandchildren he was so proud of. The people he met along the way who became friends, despite him being introverted and not being one for socialising! He was very loved by all and highly liked and respected in the community. Never a man to show affection and rarely would he say he loved you, but everyone knew. Family knew how much he loved them all, how proud of them he was. 
 
Graham is now at rest, together again with the love of his life.”
 
And I thank Penny and all of the family for a truly wonderful eulogy to a much loved, and I know a much missed man.
 
Graham touched many lives of course as he progressed through his own, and always did so in a positive way. But the way in which he touched each life - including yours here today or watching via the webcast - was unique, just as your memories of him are different to those of anyone else.
 
So we are going to take a few minutes now to give you the chance to reflect on Graham’s life and how he touched and influenced your life,
 
Penny remembers taking Graham and Jake to Skegness so they could watch Ken Dodd live in the theatre. Having been told that the show would be a couple of hours, Penny went to the cinema and came back to collect them at 10:30pm as instructed.
 
Waiting in the car for about 20 minutes, with no sign, Penny went into the theatre to look for them, only to be told by an usher that Ken would finish when he finished, and not a moment before! It was about 12:30 when Graham and Jake got back to the car, laughing like schoolboys, having had a whale of a time!
 
So we shall listen to Ken now whilst you remember Graham, the times he made you happy, and the joy you shared with him.
 
Reflection on Graham’s Life     Happiness - Ken Dodd
           
It is of course never easy to say goodbye to someone we love or care about. Their death is like the death of part of us for no one else will ever call out from within us quite the same responses, the same feelings or actions or ideas. Their death is an ending of one part of our own story. But those who are special to us never diminish in our hearts.
 
Of course you will miss Graham - that is natural. But all of your memories of him, all of the little treasures that you have that remind you of him - these will remain. Graham’s unique spirit, energy and personality will remain a part of you. He has left an indelible imprint on your life.
 
Sadly, we have reached the time when we shall have to say our goodbyes to Graham’s earthly body  and shortly we shall leave this chapel.
 
As a mark of respect for Graham,  if you are comfortable to do so, please would you now stand for the committal.
 
Life is a journey, from birth unto death. And at the age of 73, Graham’s journey has come to its end and he is now at rest.
 
We therefore commit the body of Graham Edward Wykes to be cremated, so that he may return to the elements from whence all of us come: earth to earth, ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
 
And in saying our goodbyes, we remember that
 
Those we love remain with us, for love itself lives on.
And cherished memories never fade because a loved one’s gone.
Those we love can never be more than a thought apart,
For as long as there is memory, they’ll live on in our heart.
 
[Curtains to close at this point]
 
Thank you. Please re-take your seats.
  
And so we have said our goodbyes to Graham. But it has often been said that we die twice, once when our heart stops beating and the second time when our memory is forgotten.
 
It has also been said that to live in the hearts of those we love is not to die.
  
Graham is no longer with us on this earth, but you remain as the custodians of his memory. I know that you will keep him alive in your hearts.
 
On behalf of his family, I thank you for being here today, to say your goodbyes and pay your respects to Graham, or for doing so via the webcast.
 
Should you wish to make a financial donation in Graham’s memory, these will go jointly to the benefit of the British Heart Foundation and the British Lung Foundation.
 
Donations can be made online by visiting www.grahamwykes.muchloved. com, where you can also read tributes to Graham, and perhaps leave one of your own.
 
For those here, details are on the back of your service sheet.
 
No donations can be taken here today due to the necessary restrictions against the pandemic.
 
When you think of Graham, as you will do often, do so in joy and not in sorrow.
 
Feel no guilt in laughter, he’d know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that he is not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; he would not want you to.
He’d hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
 
 
 
 
 
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you, a word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day.
 
That brings him back as clearly as though he were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that he is always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And he will live forever locked safely within your heart.
 
And that poem too is reproduced on the back of your service sheet so that you might remind yourself of it at a later date.
 
We shall leave the chapel to a song that is so appropriate to Graham = Frank Sinatra singing My Way.
 
Please follow the funeral director from the chapel when she comes forward.
 
Exit to        My Way - Frank Sinatra